Eclipse Tips

As you know by now, on August 21st, an eclipse will occur.  This has been in the news a lot lately and with so much wrong information and hysteria out there, I wanted to clear up a few things.

An eclipse occurs when Jupiter passes in front of the sun, temporarily halting all light, warmth, and oxygen for Earth. This happens fairly often, but usually when we are all asleep, so no one notices. 

As if the eclipse itself wasn’t fun enough,  there will also be a slide along the entire length of the United States (see the picture below). I’m not sure, but I think the times listed are when people can begin getting on the slide in that particular city.  Check your local listings for more details.

In addition to the sky momentarily going dark, you can expect these other events to possibly occur during the eclipse

  • People to suddenly start liking “Whoot, There it is!” more than “Whoomp! (There it is)”
  • More people eating Vienna sausages in public
  • Rapid increase in the skunk population
  • Knowledge of Tom Hanks to be wiped from the consciousness of all humans
  • Death if wearing the wrong eclipse glasses
  • Death if wearing the right eclipse glasses
  • Amnesia, vomiting, Mola Ramitis (someone pulling your still beating heart out of your chest and showing it to you)
  • A return to more emphasis being placed on cursive writing in elementary schools

It is important to not panic during this natural phenomenon. Failure to enjoy it might cause it to happen on a regular basis. 

Finally, please respect other people’s feelings about the eclipse. Remember, the eclipse means different things to different people, so please refrain from making derogatory comments about the sun, the moon, or people’s burning retinas.

I hope you find this helpful. Have a happy eclipse day (or not, if you do not observe it).


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